No actual animals were harmed during the production of this website.  Furthermore none of the misspellings, incorrect grammar, overgeneralizations, improper punctuation, sentence fragments, word omissions, lack of literary merit or poor writing technique presented here should be attributed to the public educational system of the Great State of Michigan including Grand Haven High School, or Michigan Technological University.

Actual mileage may vary.  Website sold by weight, not volume.  Contents may settle during shipment.  No user-serviceable parts inside.  Use only as directed.  Do not eat.  Not a toy.  Keep away from fire or flame.  Avoid contact with skin.  Sanitized for your protection.

Beware of the dog.  No purchase necessary.  No Canadian coins.  Read at your own risk.  Ask your doctor or pharmacist.  Parental guidance advised.  Do not use this web site while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.  May contain peanuts or other nuts.  Use only in well-ventilated area.  Keep away from pets and small children.  If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use.  Please remain seated until the loading web page has come to a complete stop.

Flammable.  Must be 18 years or older.  No salt, MSG, artificial coloring or flavoring added.  Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to this website.  If ingested, do not induce vomiting.  Objects in your browser may be closer than they appear.  Do not use this website if you have high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, glaucoma, or difficulty in urination.  May be too intense for some viewers.

Webmaster does not carry cash.  Do not puncture or incinerate.  Discontinue use of this product if any of the following occurs: itching, aching, vertigo, dizziness, ringing in your ears, vomiting, giddiness, aural or visual hallucinations, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, drowsiness, insomnia, profuse sweating, shivering, or heart palpitations.

The website warranty does not cover normal wear and tear, misuse, accident, lightning, flood, hail storm, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, avalanche, earthquake or tremor, hurricane, solar activity, meteorite strike, nearby supernova and other Acts of God.  Nor does it cover neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized use, incorrect line voltage, improper installation, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, or electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, microwave ovens, mobile phones, ionizing radiation, radio waves, infra-red, visible light, UV, X-rays, alpha, beta and gamma rays, neutrons, neutrinos, positrons, and N-rays.

Entire contents © 2009 by SkippyDawg, Inc.  This disclaimer is protected by copyright and its use, copying, distribution and decompilation is restricted.  All rights reserved.  No part of this disclaimer or any attachments may be copied or reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, optical, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, telepathic, or otherwise, without the express witnessed and notarized prior written consent of Skippy (the Dawg) and all holders of the relevant copyrights.

This website originates from the Internet, and therefore may not be from the alleged source.  If you have any doubts about the origin or content of this document please contact our Support Desk.

The humor on this website does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions my friends, my cat, or my dog, some of which are mystical beings.  Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.

Hand wash only.  Humor is provided "as is" without any warranties expressed or implied.  Keep away from sunlight, pets, and small children.  Some assembly required, batteries are not included.  Action figures sold separately.  Safety goggles may be required during use.  Do not use if the safety seal is broken.  Call before you dig.  For external use only.

Smoking these jokes may be hazardous to your health.  Text used in these jokes is made from 100% recycled electrons and magnetic particles.

No animals were used to test the hilarity of these jokes (really).

This disclaimer does not cover disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, riots or other civil unrest, acts of terrorism or war, whether declared or not, explosive devices or projectiles (which can include, but may not be limited to, arrows, crossbow bolts, air gun pellets, bullets, shot, cannon balls, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, ICBMs, knives, stones, bricks, spit-wads, spears, javelins, etc.).

This supersedes all previous disclaimers.  If something offends you, lighten up, get a life, and move on.

Other restrictions may apply.

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