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Cat Diary Human Translator...
"HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY..."
...Means that humans want to take you somewhere, most likely the vet.
Avoid it.
"I HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU!"

...Probably left over human food they were about to throw out.
"HERE'S SOME KITTY TREATS..."
...Most likely another foil wrapped appeals-to-a-human Madison Avenue
concoction. Real kitty treats are usually opportunities when no
one's paying attention and you get to lick the ice cream in the bowl, or
jump on the table for that great piece of meat loaf.
"YOU'RE IN MY CHAIR!" or "YOU'RE TAKING UP TOO MUCH OF THE BED!"
...You picked the right spot. You are right where you should be.
"DARN CAT HAIR!"
...You left your hair out in the open where humans can see it and
properly clean it up.
"STOP THAT!"
...Means you were caught. Remember exactly where you were and get
back to it - once they leave the house.
SNAPPING OF FINGERS:
...They want you to come over. If they want me, they'll come get
me. Otherwise, get a dog.
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