The National Institute of Health (NIH) has
announced a new standard for medical testing.
Testing on rats will be terminated, and in the
future live animal testing will be performed using lawyers. The
NIH presented the following explanation for its decision:
1. Some lab assistants were becoming quite
attached to their rats, and it was important to find an alternative
which would not inspire emotional involvement.
2. The population of attorneys grows at a
faster rate than the population of rats.
3. Lawyers contribute less to society, and
thus are more expendable than rats.
4. Animal rights societies do not oppose
experimentation on lawyers.
5. There are some things even a rat won't do.
The NIH is trying to resolve concerns raised by this change, that using
lawyers for testing may render it more difficult to extrapolate test
results to human beings.