Tis The Season...
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it
was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah
An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the
overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of
Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining
forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently
high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new
holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking
being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement,
the letters on the dreydl (or dreidel), currently in Hebrew, will be
replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the
message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus
and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their
gifts. One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at
least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children
could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for
dinner. A break through came last year, when Oreos were finally
declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
Fortunately for all concerned Kwanzaa will help to maintain the
competitive balance. The conference was closed as the speaker led
all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."