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Tis The Season...


Christmas-Hanukkah Merger:


Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge.


An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years.Chrismukah Tree


While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.  By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.


Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.  As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl (or dreidel), currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.  Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."


In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.  One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner.  A break through came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher.  All sides appeared happy about this.


Fortunately for all concerned Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.  The conference was closed as the speaker led all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful."

Fun Facts To Know And Yell

    3 Days Until Merry Christmas    


Christmas Angels


In Christmas tree decorations, angels are usually portrayed as wimpy blondes in girl's blouses and sandals.

In the Bible, however, angels are muscular bullies who frequently goad humans into fistfights.

Life isn't all harps and heavenly choirs for angels; there's a strict career structure.

The only angels mentioned by name in the Bible are archangels, the eighth-ranking order of angels.


Diane Sawyer

is 64 today

December 22, 1945

American TV correspondent and host

"60 Minutes," "20/20," "Good Morning America"

Diane Sawyer


    Skippy Says   

"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included"

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